Leadership Presence: Why Showing Up Fully Builds Trust

Sep 24

In today’s fast-changing workplaces, leadership presence is often misunderstood. Many still think it’s about polish — how a leader dresses, speaks, or commands attention. But true presence isn’t about projecting more. It’s about disappearing less.

The most trusted leaders aren’t the ones who dominate the room. They’re the ones who model authentic leadership by creating psychological safety and space for others to contribute. They show up congruently — aligning words, body language, and values — with self-trust, self-awareness, and clarity.

And here’s the truth: you can’t help others feel seen if you’re still hiding yourself.

I care deeply about this because I want to see brilliant professionals — especially women, racialized leaders, and first-generation success stories — succeed without shrinking themselves. Too often, the very behaviors that once kept them safe now limit their leadership impact. Presence is not a performance. It’s the signal that allows others to trust you, follow you, and bring forward their best.

Why Leadership Presence Matters

For executives, presence isn’t cosmetic — it’s a driver of influence, alignment, and trust. Leaders who show up fully gain faster buy-in, inspire loyalty under pressure, and create psychological safety that accelerates performance.

Research underscores this reality:

A Harvard Business Review analysis found that women are often penalized for confidence in ways men are rewarded, creating a double bind that forces women to calibrate their presence more carefully.
Harvard Business School research shows women tend not to apply for senior roles unless they meet 100% of the qualifications, whereas men apply at 60%. This means leadership potential is often stalled not by competence, but by confidence.
LinkedIn’s State of Women in Leadership (2025) reports that women hold only 30.6% of leadership roles globally, despite making up nearly half the workforce.
Studies of executive presence show that what truly matters is not appearance, but a blend of gravitas, authenticity, and communication. Leaders who demonstrate empathy and clarity are seen as more trustworthy and effective than those who rely only on polish.

These findings reinforce what I see every day in coaching: presence is not about looking the part — it’s about signaling trust through credibility, character, and connection. When presence is misaligned (for example, confident words paired with shrinking body language), it breaks trust.

Through my work, I’ve coached brilliant, high-potential leaders — particularly women, racialized professionals, and first-generation success stories — who minimize themselves to fit in. The very strategies that helped them adapt early on now limit their leadership impact.

Some of the common patterns include:

Overthinking contributions in meetings
Holding back insights until they’re “perfect”
Hesitating to claim authority or credit

These aren’t “mindset gaps.” They are nervous system strategies — intelligent adaptations that once kept leaders safe but now cap their effectiveness and visibility.

The Hidden Cost of Playing Small: The Fawn Response and Trust

For many high-potential leaders, especially women and racialized professionals, the challenge isn’t capability. It’s that showing up fully hasn’t always felt safe.

One of the most under-discussed forces shaping leadership behavior is the fawn response — a trauma-informed concept also known as appeasement. Beyond fight, flight, and freeze, researchers like Pete Walker and Deb Dana highlight fawn as a fourth stress response.

When we don’t feel safe, our bodies may default to appeasement: becoming likable, agreeable, or even invisible to reduce perceived threat.

In high-performing professionals, this often looks like:

Over-editing yourself in meetings
Prioritizing likability over clarity
Downplaying expertise to avoid being seen as “too much”
Avoiding conflict even when your perspective is critical
Taking notes when you should be leading the conversation

These behaviors are often misinterpreted as a lack of confidence. But they’re really nervous system strategies — survival responses learned in environments where showing up fully carried risk.

The problem is that appeasement erodes trust. According to the Trust Formula (Credibility × Character × Connection):

Credibility suffers when leaders hold back expertise or edit themselves too heavily.
Character looks inconsistent when leaders silence what they truly believe.
Connection weakens when likability is prioritized over authenticity.

When any one factor is missing, trust collapses. Playing small might once have been a survival tactic, but in leadership it signals misalignment — and teams sense it immediately.

Carol’s Story: Reclaiming Voice, Rebuilding Trust

Take Carol (name changed), a senior leader at a financial institution. Brilliant and strategic, she was respected by her peers, but I noticed subtle signs of self-protection when she presented: her posture angled away, her gaze fixed on the screen, and her tone careful.

She asked me afterward, “How do I present with more confidence?”

As we worked together, she admitted, “I feel like I have a big voice… but I silence myself.” Over time, coded feedback had taught her that her assertiveness could be misread as aggression. To stay safe, she had learned to shrink herself just enough.

Carol didn’t need to be “more confident.” She needed to trust her own presence.

Together we worked with practical tools to shift her from performance to presence:

Voice: Speaking first in meetings to set the tone and reframing confidence as self-advocacy rather than apology.
Body: Noticing physical cues of self-censorship — the angled posture, the softened tone — and using them as signals to ground herself.
Trust Map: Mapping relational safety with the Trust Formula, identifying where her voice felt most constrained and where it was safest to expand.

The real breakthrough came when Carol understood what was happening not just in her mind, but in her body. The instinct to lower her tone or angle away wasn’t a flaw — it was her nervous system protecting her. By recognizing these cues as survival responses, she could choose to respond differently.

She realized her voice wasn’t “too much.” It was simply unpracticed in its fullness. By practicing congruence — aligning her words, body, and values — she rebuilt trust with herself first, and her team responded with greater trust in her leadership.Carol’s Story: From Survival to Leadership

She asked me afterward, “How do I present with more confidence?”

As we worked together, she admitted, “I feel like I have a big voice… but I silence myself.”

Carol had learned over time, through coded feedback, that her strength could make others uncomfortable. Her assertiveness might be misinterpreted as aggression. So she adjusted, shrinking herself just enough to stay safe.

Carol didn’t need to be “more confident.” She needed to trust her own presence.

Her story is not unusual. In fact, it reflects a deeper, often hidden dynamic I see across many leaders I coach. To understand what was really happening for Carol — and for so many high-performing professionals who minimize themselves — we need a different lens.

The Leadership Mirror: A Tool to Reclaim Your Presence

If Carol’s story resonates, here’s a reflection exercise you can try to strengthen your own presence and build trust with your team:

Notice – Recall a moment where you held back. How did your body react? What were you protecting?
Name – Identify the belief driving that behavior (e.g., “If I speak up, I’ll be seen as difficult.”).
Update – Replace it with a grounded belief: “My voice adds value, even when imperfect.”
Practice a Micro-Move – This week, speak early in a conversation, lean forward, hold eye contact, or close a statement with clarity and confidence.

Small, consistent shifts like these signal to others — and to yourself — that your presence is trustworthy. And when credibility, character, and connection are aligned, the trust that follows is exponential.

Final Thoughts: Leadership Presence Builds Trust

When leaders stop minimizing themselves and start showing up fully, they create alignment, belonging, and deeper collaboration. Carol’s colleagues trusted her more when she stopped shrinking her presence. Teams trust executives more when body, words, and values align.

If you’ve been praised for being accommodating or rewarded for playing it safe, here’s your reminder:

You’re not too much. You’re not asking for too much by wanting to be heard.

Your presence is not a performance — it’s a gift.

For me, this work is about empowerment. I don’t want to help you “fit in.” I want to work with you so you can fully show up — with credibility, character, and connection aligned — and lead in a way that feels true to who you are.

👉 Explore the Leadership Trust Audit to see where you can expand your presence and reclaim your full leadership voice.

Tatiana Astray